George Carlin on Baseball

Why Baseball is Better Than Other Sports:

"Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.

Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.

In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.

Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.

I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?

In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick something.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.

Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

Bronx Bombers

Get out the broom, baby! The Yankees have swept the Red Sox in a five game series, thus completing my perfect weekend, and making an otherwise horrible day that much more bearable. Whenever I am in doubt, the Yanks pull through for me. Now, if only the Nats and the Caps could learn from this...

Who is Mark?

Mark is the guy I met online last October. I wasn't really sure about him. He seemed too "normal" for me and I just wasn't that interested (or interested at all).
But lately, I have been feeling more interested. I interviewed him for the Writing Center newsletter (he's a sportswriter) and, in writing this article, got talking about him with all of my co-workers. Well, they--like my family--have been strongly encouraging me to go for him. I think peer pressure is winning out. Just kidding--I don't think you can fall for someone because of peer pressure.
Anyways, I took Mark out last Saturday for his birthday. We went to Clyde's and then went out to a field and just played baseball for a couple of hours. It was so much fun, and it just felt really romantic. I don't know, something in me has changed recently.
So, yeah, I think I'm falling. For once, it's not for a loser. My family loves this guy and my friends who have met him like him, too! What a wonderful shock! And he's Jewish! What more could I ask for??

Two Very Good Days

Two Very Good Days right in a row.
I took off work Thursday to go to an afternoon Nats game with my friend Steve. We had a great, albeit sunburned time. The Nats lost, but that is not surprising any more. Mark met us in the stands before the game, so I was very happy about that. Then, in the 4th inning there was The President's Race. If you haven't been to a Nats game recently, it is a sight to behold. Much like to sausage race in Milwaukee, they have four guys don giant costumes and race down the field--except these costumes are George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abe Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt. It is truly hysterical, and they have rigged it so Teddy never wins. Thursday, Mark and some other media guys got to be the presidents! Mark was George and he won!! It was very fun and exciting, not to mention hilarious.
Steve and I went downtown after the game to avoid traffic. We hung out at the Austin Grill which, we discovered, has the best quesadillas ever. His wife Emily joined us for awile and then they left while I waited for Mark to finish up at RFK. He got downtown around 7pm and we got to hang out some more. I could definitely be falling for this guy. He's just so wonderful. I get that stupid grin on my face whenever I talk about him...yay!
Friday was yet another Very Good Day. Work was quiet, so I was able to keep track of the 1:05pm Yankees-Red Sox game online, which the Yanks won 12-4. I took my second Access test at the end of the day and scored an 84, which I'm happy with--not overjoyed, but I'll take it. Then, I came home, met up with my roommie and Mark and we trucked over to Glory Days to watch the 8:05pm Yankees-Red Sox game. My family ended up coming out to meet us for dinner and we all just had a really good time. The Yankees won again, 14-11, in the longest 9 inning game in baseball history (4 hours 45 minutes).